Search

Stop Trying to Be an Extrovert

The world is obsessed with extroverts. Or at least the idea of one. Indiana Jones. Bruce Willis. The Rock. Samuel L. Jackson. Type A. Dominant. Masculine. That's what the marketing says.


What it doesn't say is over bearing. Toxic. Bully. I don't know any of the gentlemen mentioned above but the Type A guys I've met in real life have been controlling and psychologically distorted people with a magnetic arrogance that drew people in.


I think there's a need for the Type A but I don't wish for anyone to think that they are the best kind of man. Take a look at Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, Jack Ma. They're nerdy, their shy. Beyonce has even declared herself as a shy person. And yet, they are at the top of their industries and incredibly wealthy.


There's a false narrative that is implied in movie and media that a man's worth comes from his ability to dominate with fierce, loud, overbearing aggression and somehow, centuries later, that narrative is proving false.


In Music it's the difference between Patti LaBelle and Diana Ross. Patti has a big, dominating voice and I love listening to it, but if you are talking about charting and hits, Diana has more of them. Diana's voice is softer yet she is still considered one of the top selling female artists of all time. It's not about force. It's about truth.


Something about standing in your truth and reflecting your inner most self pleases the Universe. It's not just a female thing. Lionel Richie. Smokey Robinson. Marvin Gaye. Alot of that Motown crew was taught to live in their truth honestly and openly and it has made an incredible difference in our world.


I say be gentle. Be as you truly are. If you're a Type A be loving. If you're gentle be caring and simply be. We deface our innermost soul when we try to pass as something we are not which creates internal dissonance because we cannot fool our deepest self.


Life can be a drought-stricken, vengeful envy-saturated program that we watch through a stranger's eye and depart from never having understand the rhyme or the reason.


Or ... we can take a risk. Risk being you. Risk not faking. Risk not smiling. Risk laughing. Risk being authentic. Risk loving who you love and not caring who doesn't like it. Risk being wrong and learning. Risk learning to do better.


I don't know yet what I will be but I do know this little thing. I know that trying to make people like me has made me hate me. Trying to win people's favor or be seen as desirable has tormented me and left me gutted of self-esteem and self-confidence.


I've had to make a very hard decision recently and I've deleted hookup apps I've used for years. They've left me with a weary, calloused soul and working to rebuild my dignity.


To all of you who've done the same do not for a second waste one breath allowing guilt or shame to burden you. Life happens and we do things we may feel embarrassed of but it happened and we can't undo the past.


I had a Chinese food meal one day and I received a fortune cookie that taught me that lesson. It was a General Tso Tofu meal and I was excited to get to the part where we got to the cookie because I'd been experiencing powerful divination by the fortune cookies. Omens and the word of the Lord through cookies. Craziness but real.


I unfolded mine and read it gingerly. All time stopped around me and the sound of the cricket could not hasten the moment any.


"Only by acceptance of the past can you alter it."


I read it to myself over and over and the mask temporarily slid from my face as I took in that wonderful truth. You've got to accept yourself with all your flaws. Your weaknesses are NECESSARY.


I just saw movie where a person's weakness was the very key that was needed to complete a complex jigsaw maze of an adventure freeing prisoners from a prison they'd been stuck in for 20 years.


Don't be sorry for what you went through. Your scars justify your success.


Love yourself and keep moving forward.


My dad used to say "Tant qu'il y a la vie il y a l'espoir". It means as long as there is life there is hope.


Hugs to you all. You are beautiful and worthy of faithful pure love.


Say it to yourself in the mirror until you make yourself blush.


Love is everything and conquers all things.


It's the reason I keep going.


6 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Letter to an Old Friend [9-5-2020]

It is so good to hear from you. When the numbers were sweeping Florida I immediately thought of you both and attempted contact. As I write this message I am in Pimlico, in Central London preparing to

 

©2020 by francoisbessing. Proudly created with Wix.com